In our court system you're innocent until proven guilty and apparently that includes people who are obviously drunk. We in the media can't publicly call anyone a drunkard until the accused get their day in court and with Cinco de Mayo this weekend that's going to be especially challenging for us. Even if someone tries to start a kegger party in the back of a squad car, we still have to call that person "allegedly drunk". Fortunately for us there's no law against calling them stupid.
Who better to illustrate this for us than the allegedly drunk guy who tried to ride a crocodile that zoo keepers named "Fatso"? Allegedly drunk or not, the crocodile didn't hesitate to take a huge bite out of the guy's leg, (at least he didn't try making any small talk with the animal).
Oh and here’s a pro tip: you'll want to make sure you're doors are securely locked this weekend because you don't want any wayward alleged drunks stumbling into your home after a Cinco de Mayo party. I'm not saying people who wander into someone's house reeking of booze are drunk. Legally we don't know for sure, they could just be really forgetful. Although driving a car into someone's living room is a pretty strong evidence of intoxication.
And what's a fella to do when squatting in an empty foreclosed house this weekend? Why throw a party of course! With no job and no mortgage payments to worry about, alleged drunks everywhere can just party and allegedly drink as much as they want…at least until the late night munchies come around, then it's time for a road trip with your bros!
Be sure to check out our 20 Dumbest Alleged Drunks and read about the people who screwed up while drunk…allegedly.