As reports of the death of North Korean "dear leader" Kim Jong-il make their way to the far reaches of the world wide web, it’s becoming clear that he that was an exceptional man. According to records, he was the greatest golfer, the most prolific musician, and the greatest film buff the world has ever known. Let’s take a look at some other wonderful claims, that may or may not be substantiated, associated with what has to be most interesting man North Korea has ever produced:
1.) Mathematicians re-calibrated the golden ratio to match Kim Jong-il’s height to platform-heel ratio.
2.) Tim Tebow used to pray to Kim Jong-il, but Jong-il made him stop because he didn’t like the negative attention.
3.) As a 5-Star general in the Kiss Army, Kim Jong-il was the highest ranking official in North Korea.
4.) No, it did not hurt when Kim Jong-il fell from Heaven. Yes, if you told him he had a nice body, he would hold it against you.
5.) Kim Jong-il did not believe in Christopher Hitchens.
6.) Jong-il’s singing voice was so breathtakingly perfect that auto-tune programs refused to change it in any way.
7.) Kim Jong-il is believed to have once removed a thorn from Jesus' palm.
8.) Kim Jong-il once beat himself in a staring contest, however records show that he never lost.
9.) Kim Jong-Il could believe it was not butter.
10.) Kim Jong-il’s pompadour was capable of doubling its size to scare off Honey Badgers.
11.) Jong-Il could drink his body weight in alcohol (which isn’t much considering he was legitimately “pint-sized.”)
12.) Kim Jong-il slept with Wilt Chamberlain.
13.) Kim Jong-il was the only man to hold the title of Key Master and Gate Keeper at the same time.
14.) Kim Jong-ll was so hip, he could remember a time before nostalgia was cool.
15.) At an age when most children are learning to walk, Jong-Il was choreographing and writing every song for his one man boy band: “Weapons of Mass Seduction.”
16.) Because of Kim Jong-il, the entirety of North Korea is not allowed to smoke, and everyone must be on Team Edward.
17.) Kim Jong-il could correctly predict when animals were about to predict earthquakes.
18.) Kim Jong-il once used his smile to generate a portable Wi-Fi hotspot for a needy child.
19.) Kim Jong-il was actually made up of a smaller Kim Jong-Il sitting on top of another Kim Jong-Il's shoulders.
20.) Pioneers used Kim Jong-il as an effective dowsing rod (though his true passion was locating truffles).
21.) In an original cut of Raiders of the Lost Ark, Indiana tried to use a bag of sand to replace a motionless Kim Jong-il.
22.) Kim Jong-Il didn't always rule countries with an iron fist, but when he did, it was North Korea.
23.) Kim Jong-il, and the political mafia that kept him in power, was responsible for the deaths of tens of thousands of his own countrymen. In addition to these countless deaths, this paranoid megalomaniac presided over decades of famine, unprecedented social oppression and insane nuclear brinkmanship!