"I've gone to jingle hell and back. When we get home, I am so taking a giant steaming dump in your favorite slippers."
The only difference between being a dog on Halloween and being one on Christmas is the increase in temperature. And perhaps the lack of color choices… Christmas canines are limited to an assortment of red, green, white, brown and gold. But both holidays serve as a sorry excuse for a dumb outfit forced upon these pooches by their attention-craving masters.
Despite what their owners tell themselves, these furry, four-legged friends hate the holidays. Yes, going outside is still exciting and that dog biscuit tastes just a delightful, but there is a cloud of shame that surrounds these pups. Being forced to wear a hand-knitted sweater with matching stocking cap — when you were meant to waltz around in your furry birthday suit — is humiliating, especially when you're at the dog park with all your happily naked friends. It's not fair, and this is why.
*cue Sarah MacLachlan's "Angel" now*