Apparently Wi-Fi may be damaging your reproductive swimmers. Before you pull that hot laptop away from your precious cargo, I'll ask: is starting a family really worth giving up the benefits a wireless connection provides you on a daily basis? Before you make up your mind, let's look at why the internet is worth the risk:
1.) Sure, a child can look you in the eyes and tell you they love you. But nothing is as gratifying as when someone re-tweets your latest musing: “Ikea is to couples what bars are to single people. A place for delusional people looking for something that won't last very long.” Brilliant.
2.) If you have a family, you can get lower prices on health care. But, who needs that when online medical diagnosis is free. Thanks to Web MD, I know I either have feline conjunctivitis, a nasty case of the French Pox, or pink eye. Ladies?
3.) The internet has made it okay to ask Mila Kunis to attend any one of your balls. "Balls!" Such juvenile innuendos will never cease to be amusing and they'll keep you young. Family will only age you, and Mila just might say "yes." [ABC News]
4.) Why would you settle down when the internet is the best wingman for your wild oats ever? Not only does it not judge when you type questionable things into a search engine, it will also help with “did you mean…” suggestions and pictures.
5.) Speaking of, here’s something Neil Patrick Harris can appreciate, thanks to the information available on the world wide web, you can easily find less offensive slang terms for transsexuals to use when you’re on Live with Kelly, or when you’re negotiating fair-market deals on Craigslist. [Crushable]
6.) If you're the shy type, you probably weren't going to start a family anyway. At least the internet has provided a greener way for you to stalk people. No more riding around in a gas-guzzling, windowless van. Now you can flip through a person's online photo album and rest comfortably knowing you're barely leaving any carbon footprints (or fingerprints).
7.) Unlike marriage, Wi-Fi has improved our sex lives. Before, if you wanted to lower your sperm count, you needed a friend who had steel-toed boots or bottle rockets. It worked, but no sane woman would get within 10 yards of your mangled testicles.
8.) Why have family game night when you can engage in illegal online black jack games? If the stakes are high enough, you just might be able to win someone elses family.
9.) When is the last time the internet got drunk and ruined Christmas Day by telling everyone that you were born the opposite sex? I'm just saying.
10.) Your Facebook page is a greater legacy to your time on Earth than any snot-faced little kid who shares half of your genes.
All the dumb that's fit to blog! Track us on Facebook and Twitter.
