Guns might be implements of destruction, but even the smelliest hippie has to admit that they've done some good for their country. They provided our forefathers with sustenence for their families. They gave the colonial revolutionaries the means to wrestle control of their own land out of the hands of tyrannical dictators. And thanks to lax gun laws, substandard public education and alcohol, they've provided endless entertaining stories of camo-decked morons mistaking their best friend for a 6-foot-tall quail in an orange vest.
This isn't some anti-gun rant. I'm all for people having the right to legally own firearms. If it weren't for Barney Fifes like this with his plastic-pellet rifle, I'd be spending the rest of my career writing about kitten videos and fat kids "Dub-stepping" while longing for the days when guns were legal so I could put one in my mouth.