Armeggedumb 
Restaurant Weak Run! An earthquake!! Run where? To the local restaurants, who are already creating hilarious "earthquake" menu items, that's where. [Zagat]
Late Bloomer So, at press time, it seems the earthquake didn't hurt anyone, which is good. Still, I wouldn't be surprised if an early draft of this statement by the mayor of New York City contained this last line: "And I was obviously relieved I didn't have to hop onto my private helicopter and zip off to Bermuda while your precious city crumbled into the sea." [MikeBloomberg.com]
Bad Call Do you know how ofter dumb people get busted for calling 911 inappropriately? A LOT. Seriously, like so many times that every time it happens I need to ask myself, "OK- was this just not an emergency, or was it not an emergency, and also an unintentional admission of a crime?" This is one of the latter. [TampaBay.com]
Pizza face What do you think the world record is for teenage girls slapping themselves in the face with pizza is? Well, don't ask me, watch the video for yourself and find out. It's a lot funnier if you don't think about world hunger while you watch it. [Videogum]
I don't "Bi" it Northwestern University proves that bi-sexual men exist. If this study cost ONE DIME more than cost of an "intro to glass blowing" workshop, I'll be furious. [NY Times]
Goodnight, Loon have you heard about that fake kid's book "Go the F**k to sleep?" Of course you have. But have you watched a Filipino grandmother read it to a baby? (NSFW Language, obviously) [YouTube]
No Bull Is it possible that a story that starts out "four canisters of bull semen fell off a Greyhound bus" could get any better? Here's one way it can: when it contains the line "The bus did not know it lost its load…" [News2]
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