Doctor’s Orders 
“Home” Sick Is prison secretly awesome? We’ve heard of this before, but more cases keep arising: A man released on parole was caught sneaking back into his prison. BACK. INTO. PRISON. [msnbc]
Kids These Days I’ve heard of kids throwing rocks, but stretching plastic wrap across the highway? Stick with burning bags of feces, fellas. [NJ.com]
Down You Go You really can’t appreciate the joy of Wipeout until you’ve personally been slapped around by The Gyrating Arm and the Trampoline Sweep. You know it looks like fun. [UGO]
One Way to Mourn Two of your fellow cops passed away and you’re on the way to their funeral. Do you A) Arrive on time, offer condolences, and mourn respectfully B) Hunker down at home in fear of what might be cop killers C) Drive 17mph over the speed limit while drinking and throwing stuff out your window, only to be caught and arrested for DUI and littering? If you've ever read this column before I think you know it's always "C" [9News]
Blessing in Disguise A recent study shows that porn might be incredible for everybody. It concludes that porn offers an isolated outlet for deviant's sexual desires—reducing the amount of sexual violence towards women and children. That sort of makes sense. [YNot]
Has Gaga gone Cuckoo? What on earth is she wearing now? WHAT IS THAT? She’s betrayed everything we thought we know about her by wearing…a seemingly normal dress. Weird, she actually looks human. [TMZ]
Bond of Love If a co-worker switches her shift to avoid your romantic advances, it’s time to give up, NOT handcuff yourself to her in the parking lot. [timesfreepress.com]
