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8 dumb ways to protect yourself from muggers, zombies or aliens

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Zombies

The best way to protect yourself from a mugging or a zombie or alien hobos is to cross your fingers and pray. Being prepared runs a close second when it comes to personal security. 

The world as we know it keeps getting scarier and scarier. Natural disasters are happening more often, terrorism is still rampant, and the economy is on life-support. Let’s not forget rising crime, wars, disease and the other horsemen of the apocalypse.

How are you planning to defend yourself? Might we make some suggestions? 



1.) 
Discount bunkers
Have $9,950 laying around that you DON’T need for bills? Consider renting space in an economy class survival bunker. This regular folk’s fallout shelter will house you and about 1,000 others. You’ll have to relocate to remote Nebraska or own a helicopter for a quick retreat to your new home, but at least the bear essentials and six months of guaranteed  existence will be provided to you after the end of the world. [theweek.com]


2.) Anti-mugging skirt
How can you become victimized if you aren’t even there? You can’t! That’s the beauty of this ensemble created by fashion designer Aya Tsukioka. The skirt expands into a large sheet printed to resemble a Coca Cola vending machine. Once it’s opened to full size, the wearer becomes invisible. Except for the feet which stick out. [canyouchopstick.com]


3.) Combmando

They say taking pride in your appearance gives you more confidence. Well, by using the Combmando comb/knife combo to groom your tresses into place, you may just get enough confidence to stab a pick pocket. This neat little gadget will also ensure you have flawless hair in your mugshot. [studiobo.com]


4.) Killer engagement ring
Commit to your woman and to safety with this ring. It boasts a razor sharp diamond that can’t get knocked off, and soft edges that won’t scratch your beloved’s skin if she ever has to play Edward Scissor Hands on a would-be-attackers face. [yankodesign.com]

5.) Brass-knuckle coffee mugIf you ever find yourself rushed by an angry mob while sitting on a park bench enjoying a cup o’ Joe, you better hope you’re sipping out of this mug. For best results use it to swing at and strike the perps. You could also splash them with the hot contents of your mug. [toxel.com]


6.) Pepper spray ring

For something that says I love you, but I’m not in love with you, but I don’t want anything to happen to you, this cleverly designed ring shoots out pepper spray 400 times stronger than the average jalapeno.[trendhunter.com]

7.) Whip-self defense key chain
Sharp jabs to the body and a face full of metal keys could deter an assailant, but will walking around the street with this clunky, clearly visible self defense device make you more of a susceptible target? Or does this device say “back off.” [whipselfdefense.com]

8.) Thought screen helmets
Stop alien abduction by scrambling the telepathic communication between aliens and humans. This is the theory used by helmet inventor Michael Menkin. [stopabductions.com]

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