A California man was caught trying to smuggle 15 lizards that were strapped to his chest through customs at Los Angeles International Airport in 2009. The courts just sentenced him to 15 months in prison – one month for every lizard.
(In a Geico lizard-esque accent) "Mind if I hitch a ride with you, mate? Well sure you can get me through customs, just tape me to your body! By the way, I have 14 other friends who'd like to come along and see America" is what Michael Plank of Lomita, CA probably imagined a lizard said to him while probably freaking out on angel dust. That is pure speculation of course. (Animals usually talk to me after an angel dust binge.)
We don't know how else to explain someone who would tape 15 living lizards to their body in an attempt to get through customs at the airport.
Plank had been visiting Australia in 2009 when he decided he just had to bring some friends back with him.
I understand that logic.
I pet people's puppies and immediately find myself on petfinder.com all night. Or I will see a video of someone with a potbellied pig and ask my landlord his stance on having a farm animal in the apartment. We all get a little attached and excited by critters. I mean, not to lizards because they're nasty reptiles incapable of love, but whatever. I'm trying to feel you here, Michael.
What I wouldn't want to feel though is 15 scaly, pointy, skin-lacerating lizards taped to my body in an attempt to smuggle them into America. Could you have mailed them? Hidden them inside a cake? Shoved maybe two small ones up your butt? ANYTHING OTHER THAN TAPING THEM TO YOUR BODY DUDE.
The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service confiscated them and apparently the 2 geckos, 2 monitor lizards and 11 varied smaller types of lizards have been residing in the San Diego zoo. Plank will be residing in a human zoo for 15 months because of this stunt.
Quick refresher course for everyone:
Smuggling lizards is unacceptable and enjoyed by no one.
Smuggling grapes is totally legal and enjoyed by many.