For the most part, the human race is… how shall we say… dumb. Which is why you’re reading this blog, of course. But even the overwhelmingly dumb veer from just plain old stupid, to shockingly desperate at times – begging for attention by mutilating their bodies, or transparently courting the media with stunts. Here are ten of the dumbest desperate cries for attention:
1.) The Cry: Human Ashtray Extinguishes 70 Cigarettes On His Tongue
Why It Was Dumb: First of all, nicknames like “The Human Ashtray” or “Mr. GarbageCan” aren’t complimentary… Unless of course your name is Richie Magic to begin with, like this guy. Its ridiculous – and disgusting – enough to publicly eat 70 cigarettes in the middle of a public park. But guess why he did it? As an anti-smoking message to kids. Because kids will see a guy getting a lot of attention for doing something insane, and say, “I’m not going to do that.” Nice one, Mr. Magic. [aolweird.com]
2.) The Cry: The Second Guy Who Scaled The New York Times Building:
Why It Was Dumb: When The New York Times launched their brand new headquarters in Times Square, a dumb French stuntman scaled the building within hours of its completion to raise awareness about global warning. But then a second guy said, “Hey, I want to do that too!” and climbed the building mere hours later. And why did he do it? To alert people to the dangers of malaria, which I can only assume makes you stupid enough to climb tall buildings just so people will pay attention to you. [nytimes.com]
3.) The Cry: Tawainese Magician Buries Himself Alive for 100 Hours, Just To Be Like David Blaine
Why It Was Dumb: Human bag of attention-needing David Blaine is annoying enough, like a finger poke in the side that somehow grew into human form. So why anyone would want to be like him is beyond us. Oh right, he gets a crapload of media coverage. It’s not a surprise, then, that after Blaine buried himself “alive,” and I use that term loosely when applied to Blaine, a Taiwanese magician attempted the same stunt just several days ago. Instead of Blaine’s measly three days, this guy was down underground for 100 hours. Take that, Ryan Reynolds! That was a ‘Buried’ joke, by the way.[monstersandcritics.com]
4. The Cry: Breaking 344 Worlds Records, Including Most T-Shirts Torn In Half
Why It Was Dumb: World’s Records – in general – merely exist as a way of getting notice from people, even if it’s “Most Bicycles Eaten.” But Ashrita Furman has taken it to the next level, “Breaking” over 344 World’s Records, including gems like “Most T-Shirts Torn in Half,” and – I kid you not – Most World’s Records. Billions of years of evolution have all lead up to this. [ashrita.com]
5.) The Cry: Tron Guy
Why It Was Dumb: Dressing up in a homemade Tron suit – years before the most recent movie made hanging out in cyber gear cool – is its own kind of special. Posting video of yourself in the suit on the Internet is a whole other thing entirely. And then dressing up in the suit just to go see Tron: Legacy? Well, now you’re just asking for it, Jay Maynard. [youtube.com]
6.) The Cry: Balloon Boy’s Dad
Why It Was Dumb: There’s a special room in hell set aside for people who use their kids to put themselves at the center of a media circus, and it’s waiting for Balloon Boy’s Dad. In case you don’t remember, a boy was stuck inside of a helium balloon for hours, causing a media frenzy. Except, he wasn’t in the balloon, he was hiding at home. Oh, and also, his father made up the whole thing to get attention for a reality show he was pitching. And so he went to jail, sentenced to live in a balloon the rest of his life. Okay, that last part may not be true, but we wish it was. More ironic justice, America![cnn.com]
7.) The Cry: Girl Sells Virginity for $3.7 million:
Why It Was Dumb: Look, we’re not going to get all precious about losing someone’s sacred flower (except for, you know, using the phrase “sacred flower”), but anyone who sells their virginity and doesn’t think they’re a hooker is sorely mistaken. And doing it as a public auction? Come on, that’s just crass. [huffingtonpost.com]
8.) The Cry: Man Tattoos Skeleton On His Entire Body:
Why It Was Dumb: I’ve certainly seen people with tattoos of bones, and said, “Hey, that’s kind of cool! Good luck to you!” But Rick from Montreal has tattooed an entire skeleton on his body. Oh, and he walks around with his shirt off all the time, just in case you don’t know he has a skeleton tattoo, and just thought he had a skull tattoo. Which would be lame. Also lame? Looking like a dancing skeleton your whole life. [bizarremag.com]
9.) The Cry: Heidi and Spencer Fake Divorce To Get Attention:
Why It Was Dumb: Reality TV has certainly bred its own brand of attention whores, but the worst are definitely Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, the zero talent, über-annoying couple who have starred on way too many shows for comfort. The worst? The time they faked a divorce – which no one cared about to begin with – just to get attention. They then came out, laughing, saying they tricked everyone, and it was just to get attention. Good trick, guys. [usmagazine.com]
10.) The Cry: Soy Bomb
Why It Was Dumb: An oldie but goodie, during Bob Dylan’s 1998 Grammy Awards performance, a shirtless man ran on stage with the words “SOY BOMB” written on his chest. Which, even after he was whisked off stage by security, was greeted with a collective, “Huh?” Performance Artist had some sort of message he wanted to get across, but honestly, it’s thirteen years later, and I still don’t have a clue what Soy Bomb is – and even if you told me, I wouldn’t care. [time.com]
11.) The Cry: Joaquin Phoenix on Letterman:
Why It Was Dumb: In retrospect, it turned out Joaquin Phoenix’s meltdown on the David Letterman show was for a faux-documentary he and Casey Affleck were making about the dangers of celebrity or something. But to the world at large – who barely cared about Phoenix to begin with – it just looked like a celebrity being a weirdo. Oh, and then nobody went to see the movie, or liked the movie, so good job just straight up ruining your career, Joaquin. [youtube.com]
12. The Cry: Donald Trump On Obama’s Birth Certificate:
Why It Was Dumb: Man, this was so long ago, I’m having trouble remembering, but the douchiest thing Donald Trump has done – on the long list of douche things he’s done in his life – was easily nominating himself for President, demanding to see President Obama’s birth certificate, and after Obama was all like, “God, shut up, here’s my birth certificate,” announcing he would no longer be running for President. Though honestly, we could have put Trump’s hair on this list, and it would still be valid.[huffingtonpost.com]
Photo: [aolweird.com]
The Worldwide Leader in Dumb. Find us on Facebook and Twitter.
