Finally, science has proven what wimpy, nice guys have been complaining about for decades: chicks dig jerks.
The University of British Columbia had over 1,000 participants rate the sexual attractiveness of different members of the opposite sex based on hundreds of images. Women found the images of proud, boastful men and moody, sullen men to be significantly more attractive than smiling, happy men.
Scientists believe that this is an instinctual reaction based upon millions of years of evolution. Smiling and friendliness is considered submissive while swaggering and sulking are considered the behavior of a dominant male.
This is why I've been acting like a total jackass for years. The ladies can't get enough of it. Don't believe me. Take a look.
See the way I unabashedly flaunt my wares. I'm indisputably gorgeous. I dare any woman reading this post to stare into my eyes in this photo and not be hypnotically entranced by my pompous gaze.
And there to the right is another excellent example of raw, sexual prowess. I could care less what anybody thinks of me. I'm too busy brooding in my own dark little world. I know what you want. You want to save me don't you? Well ladies, you can try but I can't promise anything.
Contrast those photos to this one on the left. I disgust myself in this photo. It's a sad, sad man that let's his actual happiness shine through. You should smother that happiness with false pride or retreat into a shell of inconsolable self-pity. That's the only way you're going to get laid.
Now this picture on the right is irresistible to women. I should have titled this photo 'Female catnip spiked with crack.' I'm being a jerk by beating up on a nice guy. It's the perfect jerk storm. Ladies, I dare you to look at this photo and tell me in the comments you don't want me. It's impossible for me to believe that any woman could resist a man giving a noogie to some poor, undeserving schnook. In order to do so she'd have to buck millions of years of evolutionary conditioning. Science says that ain't happening. And so do I.
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