News that the latest season of Jersey Shore will be filmed in Italy has deportation written all over it. Viewers in America will be foaming at the mouth to witness these bridge and tunnel dwellers visit their homeland but Italian Mayor of Florence, Matteo Renzi, is nowhere near as excited and already put the kibosh on the main selling point of the show: alcohol abuse.
While I am on Matteo's side and don't want to watch JWoww felate Michelangelo's David after inhaling two wooden casks of chianti, or witness Ronnie fist pump Pope Benedict XVI, what did he think was going to happen when he agreed to let these mongrels loose in Italy?
The following antics are strictly prohibited while Jersey Shore is filmed in Italy:
Drinking in bars and clubs that serve alcohol
Drinking in public
Promoting Florence to be a party town
Anything that would promote New Jersey residents from following suit and coming to Florence to trash the place
We love watching Jersey Shore to laugh at how small-minded and uncultured the GTL gang can be at times, but it's only really heightened with the volatile nature of booze being funneled into the mouths of the guidos and guidettes. So what the HECK is this season going to involve?
Sammi is covered because all she does is stay in the house, sulk and cry in bed anyhow, but does this mean we are going to have to watch Snooki traipse around the Sistine Chapel in gigantic pink house slippers with a flask concealed on her? It will be amusing for a moment, but the real meat and potatoes of this show comes from the drunken public brawls that start in a club and then make it back to the hot tub.
I guess this could be the season where we all grow up together and take in European culture. I have a few predictions to make:
Vinny will meet a girl in Sicily who speaks no English and then go into exile for a stretch like Michael Corleone did in The Godfather. The Situation will realize that he is gifted at sculpting stone instead of his own abs which have been destroyed by pasta anyhow. Pauly D will step away from the turntables and be swept up by seductive arias in famous operas. I don't know who the new girl is and still don't care but something really really Italian is going to happen to her too.
Predictions for the viewers at home: Total boredom.
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