It's the most important meal of the day, or so I keep hearing from the same kind of people who say dumb things like "the crust is the best part of the bread" and "do what you love and the money will follow." I mean, it might be true for some people, but lets not get crazy, OK? Anyway, there are certainly super dumb things that some people have for breakfast and that, my friends, is what we're discussing today.
Here are the 5 worst options:
"Well, I woke up Sunday morning/With no way to hold my head that didn't hurt/And the beer I had for breakfast wasn't bad/So I had one more for dessert." When Johnny Cash sang that lyric in "Sunday Morning Going Down," it made up a poignant, sad, and beautiful portrait of a man who has lost touch with his past and slipped into alcoholism and despair. That being said, YOU ARE NOT JOHNNY CASH, AND EVEN IF YOU WERE, HAVING BEER FOR BREAKFAST IS A TERRIBLE IDEA. I'm talking to you, Moa Brewing Company.
#2. Candy/Cookie Cereal
Breakfast cereal in general seems to be a sketchy option when it comes to a first meal of the day, especially seeing as they always seem to advertise it as "part of a heathy breakfast." Um, which part? The unhealthy one? But the tenuous claim that cereal is good for you flies out the window when they start making it out of chocolate, or worse, chocolate cookies. Here's a tip, if it turns the milk brown, don't start your day with it.
#3. Cold Pizza
If you're a starving college student who needs to grab a quick bite on the way to an early class, I guess I can look the other way on this one, but if you're older than 19, eating cold pizza first thing in the morning isn't a healthy breakfast, it's a cry for help. See #1.
#4. Frozen Pancakes
There is absolutey no excuse, ever, to eat a frozen pancake. A frozen waffle is bad enough, but seeing as waffle irons are such huge hassles, I guess I'll allow it. But a frozen pancake? First off, it's not going to be very good. Second, it's STILL going to take a long time to heat up, and third, you can't argue that you're in a hurry, because no one eats pancakes "on the go." The only reason to eat frozen pancakes is because what you really want to do is just guzzle maple syrup right out of the bottle, but you're afraid it would look bad. Well, news flash, eating frozen pancakes looks even worse.
#5. Anything From A Fast Food Joint
You heard me. Anything. McMuffins, egg biscuts, Croissant'wiches, Hotcakes, BK breakfast wraps, those weirdo egg sandwiches where the bread tastes like maple syrup, all of it. It's all awful. There is one reason, and one reason only to ever eat breakfast at a fast food joint, and that is if you're travelling, and you have absolutely no other choice. In fact, that should be every ad slogan of every fast food breakfast item: "It's Not Bad, If You Have Absolutely No Other Options, And You Don't Feel Like Eating A Whopper At 4:45 AM."
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