Herman and Candelaria Zapp have been traveling the world with their four children for the past 11 years. Look how happy they are in the photo. Guess what? It's a lie.
I don't know if they mustered up a brief moment of fictional happiness for the photo or if smiles were photoshopped onto the picture after it was taken but these are six of the most miserable people the world has ever known.
No one in their right mind would willingly travel with their family for 11 years. They must be fugitives who have to stay one step ahead of the law. Or perhaps their fifth child has run off and they're desperately searching the globe for them. Either of those scenarios are more plausible than the idea that these people enjoy being stuck in a car together for eternity.
I remember childhood car trips. When you're under 10-years-old a forty minute car ride can feel like a transatlantic voyage. It only takes a few minutes for the impatience and nausea to overwhelm a toddler's body.
And if that child has a sibling, God help those parents. Soon, the touching begins. It starts with one kid nudging the other. Then the other kid nudges back. Within no time the backseat is transformed into a no-holds-barred UFC arena. The combatants are performing for an audience of one, their mother, and the referee is dad's right arm (his left arm is busy driving the car).
If I close my eyes I can still hear my father's voice stuttering with rage, "I said sto-stop touching each other!" My brother and I would break apart long enough for my dad's arm to return to the front seat but once the arm disappeared our combined lack of self-control would have us smacking and slapping each other in a matter of seconds.
This is how I know this family's happiness is a sham, a pitiful attempt to dupe the world into believing there's such a thing as a happy family road trip.
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