The New York Daily News has reported that Lindsay Lohan feels she is iconic enough to drop her last name and legally be known from now on as just "Lindsay." Oh boy. There's so much wrong with this.
First of all, the troubled twenty-something is confusing the notion of being "iconic" with "notorious." As in, she's notorious for bad behavior on movie sets, drug and alcohol abuse, jail time, alleged theft and having tumultuous relationships with older women. Although she's pretty good at all of that, she still can't quite rack up enough street cred to be notorious in a B.I.G. kind of way. I am guessing she eschewed her original idea of being called Notorious L.I.L.O. and wanted something more simple.
What Lindsay hasn't considered is that with becoming a one-namer, comes greater responsibility to actually do something.
I generally like to think of my single moniker people in two ways. They should either have a few Grammys, Oscars, Nobel Peace Prizes or miracles under their belt if they're going to prance around being called Cher, Bono, Madonna, Prince, Gandhi or Jesus. The single name status is also reserved for step-parents you can't stand. Because you don't give a crap what their last name is and you'll never call them mom or dad, they are simply known to you as "Bill" or "Debbie."
I don't reserve iconic, single name status for someone who was in one movie that was popular for a bit and has gone on to do little else since then.
Britney Spears is sort of on the skids time and again but could legitimately change her name to just "Britney" and I could stomach that. She's the perfect mix of crazy, hard-working and, well it's tough for me to admit, but she's talented if you're into that kind of music.
Lindsay Lohan, I am sorry that your dad is such a p.o.s. and you have his last name. That's got to be tough but if your mom and sister are going back to the maiden name of Sullivan, you should consider it too since they are the women who support /enable you most. You have a lot of options here, but just going by "Lindsay" is not one of them I am afraid. You could totally make up a new last name like they did for me at my office by accident. Lindsay "Van Poppelbon" has a certain ring to it. Or, as a smack in your dad's face spell Lohan backwards and be Lindsay Nahol which sort of sounds like a-hole, which is what he is!
You also have the option to make up an entirely new name which is a fresh start if I've ever heard of one. With this turning over of a new leaf, you could use the opportunity to go far, far away for a while and disappear completely! How refreshing would that be for everyone?
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