Poor fish According to police, a pair of underage burglars in Illinois ransacked an apartment and killed a pair of goldfish because they were "witnesses" to the crime. The juveniles allegedly poured hot sauce, spices and other condiments into the bowl to dispatch the house pets. [popjolly.com]

An earful In Ireland, a man was allegedly attacked by a gang who dragged him down an alley, beat him, and forced him to eat part of his own ear, which they had cut off. [cnews.ca]

Surgery fail A French woman coughed so hard that a pair of surgical forceps poked out of her bellybutton. Apparently, the tools had been left inside of her after a recent surgery. Oops. The doctor who made the blunder won't even apologize. [news.com]

What Would Justin Bieber Do Why does anyone care what a teenage girl thinks about sex and abortion? August publication Rolling Stone cares, which is why the magazine asked tomorrow's trainwreck about political and moral issues. Dumb. They should be asking her questions teenagers are qualified to answer, like her favorite color. [radaronline.com]

All the dumb that's fit to blog! Follow us on Twitter.