Valentine's Day was a plot by the Greeting Card Industrial Complex to sell more insipid cards in the middle of winter. Valentine's Day isn't really a holiday. Christmas is over-commercialized, but its still a legitimate celebration of an actual event. Saint Valentine was a Christian martyr who was clubbed, stoned and beheaded by the Romans. How does that even connect to a day that's supposed to be about romance?
Easy. Every Valentine's Day, men are beaten into publicly expressing their devotion to their significant others. That means spending money on chocolate, dinner and dying vegetation. If your relationship hinges on a day filled with tacky, packaged expressions of love, then your relationship is dumb.
Don't even get me started on Cupid, a creepy Greek mythological man-baby who flies around forcing the wrong people to fall in love.
Here are 14 traditions that make Valentine's Day loathesome. Because, let's be honest, if the day is really about expressing your heart's inner-most feelings, a simple kiss on the cheek and an honest, sappy profession of love should suffice. Can I get an amen?