Three stooges were arrested for allegedly breaking and entering into a home, rifling through drawers and discovering what they assumed to be a copious amount of snort-able drugs which, of course they hoovered up into their dumb faces.
The only high they got was the red cheeks and churning stomach you associate with "f*#king up big time" after realizing you've snorted the ashes of TWO GREAT DANES AND SOMEONES FATHER.
Two thoughts come to mind immediately.
This is why I don't do drugs. Much. These are the kind of decisions you make when your fevered addict mind tells you to break into a home and start inhaling anything in your path that you can get your nostrils onto. Cinnamon? Yes. Powdered carpet cleaner? Let's try it. Comet? On it. This is no way to live your life!
Secondly, it's a tough world out there for anyone or thing that's been cremated. People seem to be on a rampage of disrespectin' yer ashy cremains. Just yesterday we learned that some dope of a boyfriend allegedly stole his girlfriend's grandma's urn and threw her ashes into the woods. This is no way to live your afterlife!
This story made me think of 5 better things to mistake for drugs than someones dead dust.
Oregano: It's a classic that spans generations and fools many first time buzz-seeking teens who will only learn what it feels like to get swindled.
Confectioners Sugar: When you are certainly no pro at buying or selling actual booger sugar, this will be an expensive lesson to learn but at least you can use it at home for the pot brownies you want to make. (Just make sure the pot's not oregano.)
Moldy mushrooms: Yes, you will succeed in poisoning yourself but remember that the magic ones should be growing on cow poop and not growing more fungus in a dumpster.
Flinstones Vitamins: Eerily similar in shape and color to ecstasy, the only euphoria you will feel is that you've taken your vitamins for the day.
O'Douls: It looks like beer, it smells like beer, it even tastes like beer. It's not beer if you can't embarrass yourself though. Don't let someone pull a fast one and serve you this swill.