You can judge a book by its cover. Some books look smart, and some look dumb. Of course, when I say "books," I mean my "co-workers," "friends," and "random people I meet everyday." One way you can usually tell if someone is brain cell-challenged is if they're unbelievably attractive. Don't get angry at me, get angry at Darwin. Peacocks are beautiful, but the creepy roach will still survive the upcoming nuclear Armageddon.
There is a reason chess masters look like plucked ostriches. How many NASA engineers do you think look like Brad Pitt? None. Because they have figured out how to thrive. They add value to themselves and society by being able to design and build rockets, and Brad Pitt adds value to society by just being a pretty, pretty man. I don't care what Hollywood says. A woman who looks like Denise Richards would never grow up to be a nuclear physicist.
Don't agree with me? Fine. I can take it. You know who else probably doesn't agree with me? So-called researchers with degrees and whatever from America and Britain. I'll bet my Grandma's knuckles that none of these researchers look anything like Natalie Portman, or that other actor guy who's not Brad Pitt.
A new study says that good-looking people are have higher IQs than the average person, which is wrong. Not only is this hack psuedo-science wrong, but it's dumb. First of all, I know plenty of handsome or beautiful men and women who are dumber than a lobotomized donkey.
Secondly, most of the really brilliant people I know are ugly. We're talking no-neck, buck-toothed, bug-eyed nasty. But smart! It seems to reason that people who aren't attractive have to find some evolutionary advantage. Having brains is that advantage. Really beautiful beings just have things easier. They don't have to work so hard to get what they want. Sure, being gorgeous is a burden. But so is having a forehead full of seeping zits or thighs the size of glazed hams.
The anecdotal evidence is plentiful. Take Marilyn Monroe. Beautiful? Yes. Super-smart? I don't know about you, but allegedly banging a married President and his brother the Attorney General isn't what I'd call a brilliant personal decision. Henry Kissinger? The man looks like Shrek if Shrek were made out of sadness and ashes. But a brilliant diplomatic mind, who also facilitated the dropping of bombs on thousands of innocent people. So not attractive, brilliant, and scary.
Have I hurt the feelings of any bimbos or bro hunks out there? Aw. I'm sorry, hot stuff. But you'll get over it. Everyone wants to console the stunningly attractive when they weep. This is why things aren't so bad for you and your ilk.
So there you have it. Junk science has been refuted by basic common sense. Attractive people can't be smarter than the rest of us and truly hideous humans are usually smarter than others because they have to be. Of course, there are those like yours truly who happen to be ruggedly handsome AND unbelievably good-looking. Those of us who suffer from this curse deserve your pity. It's not easy to be this sexy and wicked smart.