Tired of making New Year's resolutions that you can't follow through on? So are we, which is why each day until the end of the year, one of our bloggers will be presenting a New Year's resolution that even you can pull off.
Achievable New Year's Resolution (5 of 5):
Be a Horrible Father
There are plenty of great fathers out there, evidenced by the incredible number of "#1 Dad" mugs sold every year. There's the "Show up at every ball game" dad, the "Take their kid to work" dad and the "Get home early and make dinner" dad. I myself am an expectant father and I'm not going to lie to you, this sounds like a lot of work. So I don't plan on having any part of it.
Why This Is A Good Idea:
When all is said and done what do these incredible parents have to show for their hard work? They usually end up with a bratty, entitled ne'er-do-well that wants the world handed to them on a silver platter.
But look at Barack Obama, Bill Clinton and Eminem. Whatever you may think of them, you can't deny that they have been incredibly successful. What do each of them have in common? They all grew up without father figures. The way I see it, the best thing I can do is remove myself from the equation, if not physically, at least emotionally and spiritually.
How to Achieve this Resolution:
From the moment your child is born hold him (or her) at a distance. Don't let him feel the warmth of your body. This will only make him soft and unready for the cold, adult world awaiting him.
Buy him expensive toys. Let him play with them for five minutes. Then return them, telling him he didn't appreciate them enough. This will teach him that everything in life has conditions and those conditions are often confusing and contradictory.
Finally, give him the gift of guilt. Show him photos of you in your prime looking fit and happy. Tell him that this is what you had to give up in order to have him. Then, with an extra-thick layer of sarcasm, say, "Thanks, son. Thanks a lot."