I was born in the early 1970's, a long time ago, in what now seems like a galaxy far, far away, I lived in a world in which everything that had to do with Star Wars was unquestionably awesome, even the anti-smoking PSA's. Back then, every Star Wars movie was great, and if even if you had a gripe with all the Muppety Ewok stuff in Return of the Jedi, you had to admit that at least George Lucas had the stones to kill one of them. Then the prequels arrived and we went from a world in which all Star Wars movies were great, to one where they pretty much sucked (give or take a few cool lightsaber fights.)
To this day, there are some on the internet who cannot let go of the good times, and for every totally awesome Ryan vs. Dorkman video or Death Star Beachball there are at least five ridiculous wastes of time. Here are the worst offenders:
#5The iPhone Lightsaber App
It's an application for your iPhone that makes lightsaber noises when you wave it around. If only I had an "app" to replicate the sound of the satisfying facepalm I did when I heard about this. It's free, because everyone at Apple knows they'll get another another 200 bucks when you have to replace your phone after throwing it against the wall in an imaginary Jedi duel.
#4 Pottery Barn Re-releases Star Wars Sheets
Star Wars sheets are kind of cool. I had them when I was a kid. They are selling them in the Pottery Barn Kids section, and it might be fun to give your children the same fun sheets you had, right? There's only one problem. They are also available in queen-size. If you buy queen-sized Star Wars sheets from Pottery Barn, you are neither child nor adult. So ask yourself, Peter Pan, was your childhood stolen from you because you were busy singing "I Want You Back" in 1972? If the answer is no, society is unlikely to be forgiving. Of course, if the answer is yes, you're dead anyway, so you have no excuse.
#3) Star Wars Chipmunk Photographer
I tried not to focus on fans of the movies who were just expressing their love in unconventional ways. Then I realized this idiot is just staging photo shoots with Star Wars interacting with chipmunks. There's no story there, no real jokes, no adaptation, just Star Wars toys…and chipmunks. Normally, I'd say that it's time for this person to go outside. Go inside.
#2) Darth Porkchop
This spread all over the internet after a German guy found a porkchop that resembles Darth Vader. Not kosher.
#1) Bow Tie Fighter T-Shirt
This is offensive in so many ways, it's almost difficult to comprehend. When your starting point is the tuxedo tee shirt, and you manage to make it even nerdier with not only a Star Wars reference, but a terrible pun, you deserve to be thrown in T-shirt prison, with this guy as your cell mate. Making this even worse is the self-satisfied "look how hilarious I am!" look on this guy's face. I know, you think that you are laughing along with Michael Scott from The Office. You ARE Michael Scott from the office.