This morning in the Washington Post, I found maybe the greatest headline ever. Upon reading the article, it's clear that it's about President Obama's proposed stimulus package, and plays off his famous line "the fierce urgency of now." Still, the headline "The Fierce Urgency Of Pork" makes it sound like a story about enduring a long restroom line at a barbecue joint.

In the paper's defense, it's pretty tough to just shoehorn the work "pork" into well-known Obama speeches without it sounding kind of silly. I know this, because I just tried it, and here's what I came up with: 

"Fired up, ready to pork!"

"You can put lipstick on pork. It's still pork."

"We have real enemies in the world… They must be pursued and they must be porked."

"I can no more pork him than I can pork the black community. I can no more pork him than I can my white grandmother — a woman who helped pork me, a woman who porked again and again for me, a woman who porks me as much as she porks anything in this world, but a woman who once porked her fear of black men who porked her on the street, and who on more than one occasion has porked racial or ethnic stereoporks that made me pork."

Yeah, so maybe that original headline isn't so bad after all.

Whatever he ended up going with, it's gotta be better than this.