Hurricane Sandy’s winds are still dying down, and conspiracy theorists are already back up online, spreading dangerous rumors about the superstorm.

In fact, while Sandy pounded the East Coast with her cloudy fist and New Yorkers duked it out over milk, bagels and organic kale, a storm was brewing of another kind: the storm of stupidity. Like death, taxes and enjoying Liam Neeson movies, unqualified people are back to weigh in on “who” caused all these billions in damages.

If you thought the storm damage was crazy, check out the wildest Hurricane Sandy conspiracy theories we’ve uncovered.

5. Obama Did It
What do you do, when you are neck and neck in the polls with your rival? Well, you manufacture a natural disaster, of course. Obama, in an apparent move that would make Karl Rove green with jealousy, used The High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP) and its electromagnetic waves to concoct the hurricane. According to InfoWars, “Following the ‘perfect storm,’ the establishment media will naturally provide all the propaganda Obama needs to sweep the election on Tuesday, November 6, a week after the hurricane is projected to hit.”

4. Mother Nature Became Self-Aware
According to a US News and World Report poll, 40% of readers believe that Mother Nature is retaliating for all those CFCs we’ve bombed her with. Climatologist Aslack Grinsted noted that, when it comes to determining whether global climate change caused Hurricane Sandy, “What I show is only correlation, but it’s purely consistent with the hypothesis that warming goes along with more frequent, large hurricanes.”

3. Aliens Knew About It Ahead Of Time
According to that bastion of conspiracy theories, Forbes, aliens predicted this disaster.

On the Forbes.com blog, Kenneth Rapoza describes how Walter Strieber, an author and UFO believer, wrote a book titled The Coming Global Superstorm, which was nonfiction. In the book, Strieber recounts his alien abduction, and how the aliens foretell of climate change and a resulting superstorm. Except, well, this really isn’t the biggest hurricane that’s ever made landfall, so perhaps this is just a harbinger of things tocome… if the aliens are to be trusted.

2. The Iluminati Did It
Of course they did it. They always do it.  Ultimate Survival, a conspiracy blog, alleges that Hurricane Sandy is actually an invention of the Illuminati. Their end game? Shut down the election, have Obama declare martial law and end Democracy as we know it. Also, there will probably be another market crash. So, those of you in New York City better beware of those Albino monks.

1. God Did It (Duh)
If the Baptists are to be believed, God is pissed about a lot of things and he can’t handle it any longer. And since fire and brimstone is so Old Testament, he sent a hurricane to destroy New York for being so liberal.

Chaplain John McTernan wrote on his website that God was seeking vengeance on America for legalizing same-sex marriage and abortion. Or perhaps God is just pissed at Mayor Bloomberg about the whole banning large sodas thing. Although, someone should tell God that Iowa legalized same-sex marriage long before New York, and that state is dry as a bone. Iowa: 1, God: 0.

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