Bigfoot On A Rampage In Pennsylvania
In addition to lurking in the woods and getting his picture
taken, the Sasquatch also has other hobbies, like knitting and busting up RVs. So claims Pennsylvania resident John Reed, a Sasquatch hunter who posted on Facebook that his 1973 Winnebago was vandalized, writing: “ROCKS THROWN THROUGH THE DOG HOUSE WINDOW……VANDELISM?? OR SQUATCH ATTACK?!!!!!!!!”
The police issued a press release noting that the suspect in the attack, which took place in Pennsylvania, is “very large, brown in color, and walks somewhat hunched over.”
So, that leaves two people: Sasquatch or your mom.
I’m honestly guessing the latter. However, it makes sense that Bigfoot, furious over being stalked by a papparazzi from something called LYKENS VALLEY SASQUATCH HUNTERS and going full Apeman on Reed’s rec vehicle…
Reed, startled by the attack but undeterred from his mission of bagging the mythical beast, offered in-depth advice to Sasquatch hunters. “Bigfoot tip #1 when being chased by a sasquatch run up hill if its a male .. they have an extended forehead so they have to stop offten to look up.”
He adds, “if its a female run down hill they have no bras so they got big ole lady boobs and when running downhill they flop about and they have to stop to plop them over their shoulders…..”
Reed also runs the aforementioned Facebook Group, which is geared toward casual hunters and spends a good deal of its Wall space discussing whether the Sasquatch has a “cloaking device” and if he will sexually assault female hunters.
The answers? Yes and no. He is a docile peaceful creature. Unless he get’s near a Winnebago.
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