“Saved By The Bell”: The Year’s Weirdest Conspiracy Theory
Remember “Saved By The Bell”? Well, according to Cracked.com, the whole show is all a dream.
Like some early-90′s Inception — and without the compelling plot or thriller-like twists — Cracked, argues that the TV show is a sad daydream of the much sadder and more-likely-to-get-pantsed-in-the-lunchroom Zach Morris of another show: “Good Morning, Miss Bliss.”
In “Good Morning, Miss Bliss,” Zack Morris is uncool, unliked and has all his plans thwarted by Miss Bliss. Zack in “Saved by the Bell”? Well, he is the freaking Plutonic ideal of a “Golden Boy.”
Cracked argues that the theme song of “Saved by the Bell” describes a kid more along the lines of the Miss Bliss-Zack, having a miserable day at school. As Cracked puts it…
Zack has never had a bad day at Bayside in his life. He’s never in a mess. Everything bounces off of him. If he’s unprepared for a test, he doesn’t ride low in his chair like some depressed teenager; he gets the teacher to turn the test into a bake-off, and then wins the bake-off by cheating.
It only starts to make sense when you look at the structure. The song begins with a bell taking the narrator out of his dream world.
Oh, Cracked. I hate to break it to you, but you are so, so, so wrong. Zack Morris is actually an agent of the Illuminati, designed to signal the faithful about the inevitably rise of the antic-Christ and the New World Order.
See, the pair of sunglasses in the opening credits with the seemingly “harmless” 90′s homage to Native American patterns in the background is actually the all-seeing eye of the Illuminati. (This is where I would write “duh” but that’s so gauche in civilized conversations such as this.) And if you look closely at the third image of Mark-Paul Gosselaar, you can see him flash the hand sign of the Devil. And the famed high-five at the end of the credits? Watch again! They’re all flashing the sign of the Devil.
Cracked: consider yourself conspiracy schooled.
Image: Ariannekeithx / Wikipedia
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