Top 10 Celebrity Baby Conspiracies
There is nothing like the wide-eyed innocence of a newborn to make people go crazy with conspiracy theories about the devil. From Blue Ivy to Justin Bieber, here are the top 10 conspiracy theories about celebrity babies. If anything, this article serves to remind you to take the pill.
1. Blue Ivy Carter
At first, no one believed Beyonce was pregnant and now, everyone is convinced that baby Blue Ivy’s name is some sort of anagram for some Latin phrase that pays homage to the Devil. Proving once and for all that Latin is a dead language, as dead as the brain cells on the internet.
If you don't believe there are conspiracy theories about the Beyonce-Jay-Z spawn, you better take a look at this screengrab of a comment on CafeMom:
2. Suri Cruise
Suri Cruise: where's the birth certificate? The Birther Movement really began not with Obama, but with tabloid readers clamoring for Little Ms. Cruise's birth certificate.
3. Sarah Palin
In 2008, rumors swirled that Trig, Palin’s youngest, was actually the son of her daughter Bristol. Flash forward to 2012, and we look back at that theory and laugh, because no Palin has any (reproductive) shame.
4. The Lindbergh Baby
In 1932, Charles Lindberg’s son was kidnapped. The child’s body was later found a short distance from the Lindbergh home. This tragedy sparked rumors that the kidnapping was a hoax, with some researchers believing the kidnapping was staged by Lindbergh himself to cover for a jealous, murderous sister-in-law.
5. January Jones
The Mad Men star's baby didn’t get inside his mommy by himself. Rumors about who this baby daddy is have occupied blogs and your creepy dreams since Jones’ bump first appeared. Is it Ashton Kutcher? L. Ron Hubbard? God? Pshaw, God wishes.
6. Kate Middleton’s Baby
Can Kate Middleton have a baby? Is it because she and William are cousins? Is Kate doomed to a life of independence and well-restedness, poor thing? InTouch sure thinks so. Now, there’s a source to bank your uterus on.
7. Prince Harry
Prince Harry’s perfectly intact hairline, the envy of his father and brother, has some royal watchers crying — or politely stating, as the English are wont to do — foul. Is he really the son of James Hewitt, a British officer who had a five-year affair with Princess Diana? Of course, we all know this is preposterous… because the Royals never have inappropriate affairs.
8. Michael Jackson’s Secret Son
Just when you thought the Jackson family tree couldn’t get weirder, someone comes along to float the idea the Omer Bhatti, a Norwegian-born rapper, is Michael Jackson’s love child. The source of this batty rumor (get it?) is none other than Jermaine Jackson, Michael's brother, who is just a shade more reliable than the magazine that publishes the stories on Bat Boy. (Disclaimer: I, for one, believe in Bat Boy.)
9. The Bieber Baby
Did Justin Bieber father a love child? The world may never know, since rumor has it he’s paid his baby mama to pipe down. Which is too bad, I’d love to see the Biebs on “Teen Moms.” Oh well, it’s only a matter of time before he has a baby, shaves his head and attacks a photographer with an umbrella. Just be patient, Internet. All good things take time.
10. Arnold Schwarzenegger
The big celebrity coverup of last year was the Governator's love child with the family housekeeper. Did she keep the kid quiet to help Schwarzenegger's political chances?
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