The Moon Landing: Was It Faked?
All The World Is Staged
It’s time we settled this once and for all: one of America’s greatest triumphs never happened. (Sadly, I’m not talking about the rumored cancellation of “Two And A Half Men.”) The July, 1969 Apollo 11 Moon Landing did occur – albeit on a soundstage, most likely in Hawaii, and the evidence to the contrary is even weaker than we thought.
Stanley Kubrick was the director who created Oscar-winning effects the year before for “2001: A Space Odyssey,” with his tongue-in-cheek title hinting about how far behind a moon mission really was. Conspiracy websites often bring Kubrick up as the architect of the moon landings, but clearly this goes to the highest levels: JFK, Lyndon Johnson and then-President Richard Nixon. JFK wanted the moon landing to happen by the end of the decade, but LBJ was told the technology was years away – as far as 2001. Dick Nixon, however, didn’t care much for the truth or anything besides Dick Nixon.
As a big fan of “Dr. Strangelove” (he thought it was a documentary, probably), President Tricky greenlit the first studio picture made by the White House: “1969: An Anti-Communist Odyssey.” Nixon, who worked closely with red-baiter/hater Joe McCarthy, knew America had to do the impossible to guarantee the Russkie space program would fail to top it: fake the moon landing. Kubrick was hired, beautiful matte paintings were constructed, overhead lights were affixed, and the program carried on without a hitch.
Until everyone saw that photo of a light – not the sunlight – reflected in an astronaut’s helmet. Oh, and the mysterious “third” astronaut. And the cheap equipment that doesn’t match. And…
We nailed it. After a decade of disappointments – wars, assassinations, the accidental resurrection of Richard M. Nixon – we finally got something right: the moon landing. We put planes in the air – no one disputes that. We put an American in space and sent him into orbit – no one disputes that. So why would anyone doubt that we couldn’t land on the moon?
The sources of this rumor apparently come from some writer who probably made it up in 1974 for a book that he had to print himself. (Not denigrating self-published authors, per se; just pointing out that the basis of this myth does not meet the threshold of “reliable source.”) Based on zero evidence, another group accused NASA, Alan C. Clarke, Stanley Kubrick and, most hilariously, the Walt Disney Co. of staging the entire thing on a soundstage. They forgot Charo.
Here’s the number one, irrefutable reason that this theory doesn’t work: not one of those people can be tied to the scene of such a staging, while hundreds of thousands of people were involved in making the moon landing happen at NASA. Ever try keeping a secret among four people… let alone four hundred thousand? Impossible.
If Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon, who was filming him take his one giant leap? No one – it’s called a robot (actually “the Modularized Equipment Stowage Assembly,” if you want to be anal about it) and Armstrong deployed it. As for why the wind seemed to whip through the American flag when there’s no air on the moon, you’ll just have to watch the “Mythbusters” that proved it was totally possible.
Are we so used to being disappointed in mankind that we can’t appreciate it when we score big?
Image: From Stanley Kubrick’s “The Shining.”
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